The four genders
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im debating whether or not I even wanna wear a costume tomorrow cause what’s the point in spending 3 hours getting ready when no one wants to see me? but at the same time ive been looking forward to this for months i really wanna try to have fun, but it just feels like the people in my life don’t even want me. i just keep thinking all the guys who stopped liking me and the people who didn’t wanna deal with being my friend anymore might’ve been right for a reason. i know my online friends care and would make an effort if they could i know that for sure, it’s just that when everyone PHYSICALLY around you is doing the exact opposite it makes you question that. i keep trying to be positive but i feel like a big inconvenience to everyone and just want to feel wanted by someone.
i know it’s for the better
know it’s for the better
know it’s for the better
know it’s for the better
know it’s for the better
know it’s for the better
i feel like this part just embodies what it’s like for things not to work out with someone. you know logically that things will be fine in the future. you’ve gone through this before, but that’s not what you feel. you feel broken, you gave up so much of your love even though you try to keep telling yourself that you know it’s for the better over and over again, that it was meant to happen but you feel sad, you feel angry, you feel so tired of having to tell yourself that. all these people hurt you and get away with it having happy lives while you have to continue this journey of healing with no closure. you just want to know that all that baggage you carry is worth it. hearing this you just think of all the good and bad combined. you want to scream, you want to cry, you want them to feel hurt the same way you did, but you also feel relieved. you also think of the good parts and that maybe you’ll listen to this one day in a better place. whether it’s alone or with someone else and know that all the things you went through really were for the better.
in honor of mitski’s tour tickets being on sale and my birthday im writing my favorite mitski lyrics:
(as of today goodbye my danish sweetheart, square, humpty, two slow dancers, and i bet on losing dogs have made me cry the most)
goodbye my danish sweetheart
“and i don’t mean to make your heart blue but could we be what we’re meant to be? i’m just about to beg you, please and then, when you tell your friends you can tell them what you saw in me and not the way I used to be”
i will
“i will wash your hair at night and dry it off with care”
square
“but i was still waiting for something to earn”
“what is that quiet of snow in the night? the dark rings with white noise as you stand and drown, maybe it’s all of these snowflakes, screaming a choir of mute as they brace for the ground”
eric
“blue light, dark room, the white of your teeth as you smile at my trembling shoulders but your skin, did you notice your skin it cries a soft weep like mine”
a burning hill
“i am a forest fire and i am the fire and i am the forest and i am a witness watching it”
townie
“and I want a love that falls as fast as a body from the balcony, and i want a kiss like my heart is hitting the ground”
“so tonight, tonight the boys are gonna go for more more more”
“i am not gonna be what my daddy wants me to be”
pink in the night
“and i know i’ve kissed you before, but i didn’t do it right can i try again, try again, try again”
real men
“and real men don’t eat, ‘cause they’re above that, damn it”
humpty
“all the eggshells are on the ground and i try, i’m trying to pick them up but they crack and crumble, it’s much too much too frail for me to touch”
i bet on losing dogs
“baby, my baby tell your baby that i’m your baby”
two slow dancers
“it would be a hundred times easier if we were young again but as it is and it is to think that we could stay the same”
brand new city
“and if i gave up on being pretty i wouldn’t know how to be alive, i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die”
class of 2013
“and i’ll leave once i figure out how to pay for my own life too”
“mom, am I still young? can i dream for a few months more?”
first love/late spring
“yet now i find i’ve grown into a tall child”
liquid smooth
“how i feel this river rushing through my veins with nowhere else to go, it circles 'round”
fireworks
“and then one warm summer night i’ll hear fireworks outside and i’ll listen to the memories as they cry, cry, cry”
your best american girl
“you’re the sun, you’ve never seen the night”
“you’re all i ever wanted i think i’ll regret this”
i want you
“you’re coming back and it’s the end of the world we’re starting over and I love you, darling”
last words of a shooting star
“and you’d say you love me and look in my eyes but i know through mine you were looking in yours"
shame
*insert anxiety inducing violin part*
i think about
the women after
me
the girls after me
after each break
up,
they pick someone who could look
up
to them,
who make them feel
bigger,
taller,
stronger.
someone who just graduated high school
2 months ago.
they are always younger
than me
shorter
than me
smaller
than me
they are hopeful, youthful,
full of life
innocent but
they still need experience
because that would be boring
if they knew nothing
yet they can’t be more knowledgeable than the man
no. that would mean they’ve been
used up,
no longer have value.
yet they need to know every
position
every method
every technique,
they have to be willing to get on their knees
and take every inch
swallow every ounce say
“yes daddy”
“no daddy”
“you own me”
fill me till
i shrink to
nothing.
just
to make you
feel
like a man
Murray to everyone else:
Murray to Alexei:
Halfway through episode one of new black mirror…managing to be both the gayest and straightest shit I’ve ever seen
camscendants
